From Me to You - edited

I will always be jealous of her. Because at the end of the day, it's her you love. You spend your time with her, doing normal stuff together.  I try not to bother you anymore bec I think you stay with her most of the time, if not everyday. Am pretty sure her family has accepted you fully too. Even though we play around, it's just that because when we go our separate ways, that's it. Out of sight, out of mind. Guess lust is all there is. You say you're not happy and you don't understand her most of the time and yet you're still there. Holding on, fixing the relationship..because you love her. I never had that, didn't feel that from you before. And I've accepted that I never will get that from you. I'm forcing myself to accept it. Better that way than thinking what's meant to be, will be. Am changing but there are days I just want you with me but can't. And it's hard. This is hard. I know my choice and I know this feeling will pass.

No, I'm not saying goodbye. I would never turn my back on my bestest friend.  I know you hide the truth so that I won't be hurt. But you can't hide that. I know it, my intuition tells me. I know you well enough. I've just learned not to hound you anymore. Slip a bit sometimes but I think I am able to stop myself. I try to be contented with what we have, it's what you can give. You never promised anything, never said anything to make me believe that we could be back together. Sometimes though I forget and I fall into the trap I set up for myself. It sucks everytime it happens but I learn and it makes me stronger. You still make me smile and am happy when I'm with you.  I can feel that you love me and that you care, just not the same level I do.

When the time comes I meet someone new, I will introduce him to you. Because I want you to gauge for yourself that I would be in good hands. I'd want him to understand too who you are in my life. That no matter what happens, I would always drop everything, even choose you over him, should you need me.

This must have been what Ken felt when Glenn and I were still together. Unfortunately (and apparently), our love wasn't that strong. He gave up immediately. Or maybe I did. We both did. I don't wanna wish the same thing would happen. Heck, I don't even know if I can make you happy.

I dunno where you're at right now...if you're still lost or if you've found your way. Things do seem to be better for you now. You seem cold and indifferent at times and am thinking it's because you want to fix things with her. That playing around with me will mess it up. I'll go with the flow. Maybe am just overthinking. I'm just here for you. Still loving you deeply. Passionately.

'Nuff said.