Lost. Falling into a dark hole with no end. Mixed emotions or no emotions? Struggling to rise above it all but weighed down heavily by thoughts of despair. Wanting to go back to normal but being held back by something. Everything affected. Work, family, LG. Small things irritate. Thinking of letting go. Leaving everything. Starting anew. A coward's way out. Or maybe a quick, short escape but can't leave right now. Can't figure out what's wrong. Careful not to give in, not to destroy the small amount of inner peace left. Looking for arms to hug me tight, hands to hold mine. Ears to listen but at a loss for words to explain this. Wanting to talk to LG but what do I say? How to explain? Psyched up on work, inspired and motivated. Dont want to be a bother and dampen spirits.
Going through the motions, there is no passion. Getting through the day, feeling disconnected from everything. Recognizing the signs...of a descent into depression. Feeling alone in my struggle. Fighting to keep it within. Feeling no one would understand. Tears are a temporary release. But the empty, hollow feeling remains. Holding on to small moments of happiness. Struggling to keep the faith. They said alcohol can be a solution and maybe it is or not. Only one person I'd choose to drink with but don't want to burden with my problems. Has a life to live, a relationship to fix.
Emotional burnout? A new word for nitotopak? I pray this too shall pass, soon. Like later. Please. Let this week end on a good note.
Give me a reason to be happy. To look forward to waking up and going through the day. I choose to be happy. The mind wills it. Now where is it?
'Nuff said.
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