Extraordinary

Feeling extraordinarily happy today. Not sure why. Kinda feels like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders when I had that convo with LG. Felt kinda offended when he said he was feeling sorry for me, because I still love him and stick by his side even if I know everything about him. But what I said is true. I love him and I accept everything about him. I know he hides the truth or chooses what to tell me, because he doesnt want me to get hurt. I know he loves me too...but wont give us a chance because of a lot of stuff. Apart from thinking he doesnt deserve me (maybe?) I know he doesnt want to be controlled and I can be like that. I know it would take quite some time before I can change that. Plus, I guess I sealed my fate when I decided to be his boss...thats fine I guess. As much as I want to be with him, hear him openly tell me he loves me...it's just probably not the right time. He's still mending a broken heart and I know he just wants to have fun to get over it. And I know he's still lost too...looking for something we both dont know. I dont even know if I have what he's looking for. Although I do want to share the rest of my life with him. I will let him be...I dont think I fit his definition of fun and  carefree anyway. Plus he might be sawa already of me, we're together 5 days a week anyway. Although it would be nice to go out on a date with him. Haha! 

I think I passed a test this weekend. I didnt stress over where he went and who he was with last Saturday. And I'm not stressing over tonight as well. He said he wasnt gonna push through with going out with Ja..for what reasons I dunno. Whether it's true or not..whether they still communicate or not...I wont stress over it. Ja has blocked me entirely and doesnt respond...so I know she's keeping something from me. A betrayal from a friend, for the first time. Anyway, thats between me and her. Only time will tell what the future holds for me and LG. Our friendship is something I hold precious, and I will be here for him whenever he falls to help him get back up again. I just hope he remembers to be selfish enough to keep me and not push me away because it's unfair for me. Just let me be, let me love him and take care of him in whatever way I can. Be his bitch and hold him when he needs company. This is the first time I've felt this way for anyone..he may go astray, look the other way and be with other girls but I'll be sure I'll be here for him when no one else will be.

What are we right now? Friends, best friends, close friends. People who'd find out what's going on may say we're complicated but I dont see it that way. We love each other and our friendship is precious to us. It would only be complicated if we assume, expect more than what we have.

Yes. Thats how much I love him. And I will enjoy every minute I have with him. No expectations, no assumptions. Coz when you love someone, you accept them as they are. And you dont control them.