Drunken Moments

Had a nice adventure last night. Went to LG's place on my own, commute. An achievement for me, considering it's my first time and I just relied on instincts and what I remembered from the last time I went home with him.

I've always liked drinking at someone else's house. Makes me more comfortable, but makes me drink more. I especially like drinking at LG's place. We're both more comfortable and relaxed and the conversations are easy. We dont talk about work too. Un nga lang, he gets tipsy easily and I was actually drunk last night.

I guess I wanted to be drunk, in a way. At some point we started talking about J. We talked about us again. We've done a lot of talking in the two times we drank at his place actually. More than the times we've been drinking outside. I guess it's good for us, I know it is for me. I get to know what his thoughts are, although I'm not sure if he remembers our conversations. We also get to talk about random stuff too. Something we havent done in a while.  But being drunk wasnt ok last night. I really wanted him but I slept like a baby. I could sense he felt bad and I wanted to make it up to him, stay longer...but I had to go. Darn responsibilities. :( sometime this week I will make it up to him...

I hope things between us are always like this, easy and not complicated. He is my best friend and I love him so much. We both want different things - I want commitment and he cant give that. A relationship wont work right now, because he wants to be free yet he loves me. I know he does and I know that even if he meets someone else or sleeps with someone else, I'm still in his heart. But am not the only one in his heart, I'm sharing it with royalty. Hay. Never knew it was possible but he says it is.  I know that deep in my heart, I wish he would settle with me and me alone. Maybe someday.

He said he wanted to sleep with J but was scared. Scared that I'd get hurt. Heck, I'd get hurt if he sleeps with someone else but I'd understand. He's a guy. But sleeping with J? I dunno. I'd be mad at her not him. Am scared too that if he does, she might expect something...unless he wants a relationship with her. Bahala na. It's his choice anyway.  I just hope it doesnt complicate his life anymore than I do. Although am really trying not to do that anymore.

I hope my going there doesnt cause problems between LG and his family. I dont want to be a cause of further rifts between them. I know he wont tell me...but I'll find out eventually.

Hay. LG. My best friend. Love of my life. Probably even my soulmate. I wanna grow old with him, doesnt matter what we are...I just want him in my life forever.