Space

I need to give it a rest. Give both of us space. I need to think too. My heart's aching for him, I miss making him kulit. I keep on thinking if he's ok, if his throat still hurts, if he has eaten...I gotta stop. I gotta start living my life without him in it, gotta learn how to. In a way prepare myself for the worst. I dunno if we can fix this. Maybe time apart will clear my head. It seems he doesnt care anyway, seems I'm the only one feeling this. I apologized earlier.. and that was for trying to add royalty, for loving him too much, for trusting him. I feel I keep on bringing complication and drama to his life. When he shouldnt have any of it anymore. He deserves to be happy. But I hope he knows what makes him happy. I know now it's not me. I should start accepting it. I can only be his best friend, and love him from afar. But now I dunno if we're still friends. I hate this feeling. I hate not being able to talk to anyone about this. I miss our one on ones in his room. Demmit. I miss him. Yes, even if I'm still angry at him. Why is love complicated?!? I'll let things be for now...