Here I am trying to battle what I feel. I need to stop feeling this way, feeling sorry for myself, feeling unworthy. I need to stop depending on others to make me feel I am worth something. I have always told myself that what others think of me doesn't dictate who I am. Why am I suddenly looking for appreciation and affection, when I know I am not gonna get it?
I tell myself that L doesnt affect me but in a way it does. Even if I know why he's like this now, I still get affected when my lambing is not acknowledged or returned. My gut feel is telling me there's something but then again, I may just be overthinking and scared to get hurt. This is just like what happened when I was in Panama. I should let go of all these. I wanna be happy again..without needing others to make me happy.
Sleep is the only way I've been able to escape this feeling. But I think I've had enough of sleep because it's eluding me now.
I.have.to.get.out.of.this.rut.NOW!!
I tell myself that L doesnt affect me but in a way it does. Even if I know why he's like this now, I still get affected when my lambing is not acknowledged or returned. My gut feel is telling me there's something but then again, I may just be overthinking and scared to get hurt. This is just like what happened when I was in Panama. I should let go of all these. I wanna be happy again..without needing others to make me happy.
Sleep is the only way I've been able to escape this feeling. But I think I've had enough of sleep because it's eluding me now.
I.have.to.get.out.of.this.rut.NOW!!
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