Depressing thoughts

Did something stupid today. Made LG wait for me for a long time. Didn't set the correct expectations. Argued with him, forced him to talk to me even if he was angry and broke down in front of him. :(

I feel bad. Wanted to surprise him and just be with him. Wasnt gonna see him til Tues.  Ruined it instead. He's right. I'm selfish. Didn't think he was waiting for a long time already. Just thought of myself. Shouldnt have assumed he wanted to be with me too. He didn't say he missed me too. It was all just me.

I should have let him go. And not force him to stay. I knew he was angry and I know how he is when he's like that. So I got what I deserved. Felt his wrath. He pulled away from me when I held on to his arm. Saw how angry he was at me. Saw his face. :(

Can't stop crying til now. Hurts like hell. But I deserve it. It's my fault and no one else's so I have to bear with it. Good thing I don't have work. My mind's blank. And I dunno how I could face him, yet.  :(

Am no different from royalty. Maybe even worse. Am not good enough.  Some friend I am.   :(