Got a taste of J&H again today. He wasnt in the mood for anything and I could sense it. Felt like kissing and hugging a statue. I got carried away and later on I realize how shameful that was. Plus a lot of other things going on in my mind. I realized I sounded like I was imposing and making kulit. Demmit. Almost forgot my place. Surprisingly I dont feel bad because plans didnt materialize. But I feel bad bout the way I acted. Felt cheap. Not his fault, I know he has his own plans and he's not in the mood. But I admit, it makes me think if he regrets having me over. I remember our conversation the other day. I gotta stop initiating stuff. I was surprised to find out he was intimidated by my personality, that am too strong for him. Never saw it that way. In fact I've always thought he had a stronger personality than me. I did tell him he has to start telling me what he wants coz I suck at reading signals. I hope he remembers what we talked about too. But then again he was tipsy. Haist.
I did say no complications and I will force these thoughts out of my head. I wont act on my whims anymore and I'll just wait for him to make the first move. Hard but I'll do my best. :-)
I still feel we're being careful with each other. How do we get past that? I dunno. Maybe only time will tell. I wont force it. Someday everything will make sense. For now I'll just laugh at everything and take things one day at a time. I havent lost my best friend anyway. And thats enough for me.
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