Sleep

Sleep used to be an escape from reality. But I woke up earlier with tears on my face. Coz even in my dreams the pain is there...I lost LG. Demmit. Why? Why the hell did I do that? If I didnt then we both wouldnt be going through pain...we'd still be ok. I always say things happen for a reason but what is it? I hope I see it soon...am still wishing for a miracle...that he would forgive me and we'd both pick up the pieces and work this through. I would do anything just to gain back his trust. Right now I wanna hug him if that would take the pain away...but am also the cause of it. Something I told myself I would never do to him but I did. Am f*cked up. I cant blame him for not wanting to talk to me anymore...I dont even like myself anymore. I miss him...he's my best friend too...but I cant even face him. Am so ashamed of what I did..i hurt the person I love the most..demmit. I wish I could go back to sleep and never wake up. Or wake up and find out this is all a dream. Please...