Hot and Cold

Hot and cold. Thats what he is. Had a great time last Sunday and I felt loved and special. Then the following days he's cold. Or is it just me overthinking? Granted he got mad at me the other day..am thinking he's still hurting from what I did. Looking back at msgs, there's a difference from how we were start of week til earlier. Maybe it was because of what I did. His actions are different from what I read in his msgs.

I went to his house the other day coz I wanted to talk. Pour out my worries about work and also open up to him. But fate said it wasnt the right time since I wasnt successful. When we'd get to sit down and talk, I dunno.

I'm holding on to what he said..that he loves me. But am scared. I cant let go of what happened before. Royalty will always be a threat..because I know she still has a place in his heart. Even though he says she hurt him...I know he still loves her.

I will still wait until the time comes he changes his mind and commits...but until then I will always be thinking and wondering...and I will try my best to quell my feelings and not bother him with it. It's drama for him and he hates that.

Love is hard and deliberate. Love is patient and kind. But lately I've been thinking...why do I keep on hurting him? Do I love him too much that I've gone crazy? He'll always be in my heart...and I will always want him to be the person to make me smile. Hug me tight to ease my worries.

I miss him. I miss the times we spend together laughing, talking. I miss hanging out with him. I miss feeling am his only special girl he'd take out on a date.