Ouch

Well, that hurt. Didnt expect I'd be given the truth like this. But I did pray for it. Guess I didnt expect it would come from royalty and from this vacay. I wanted the truth..what was really going on and I got it, I guess. I'm still in shock. Didnt really think he'd still be like that..after all the heart to heart conversations..guess I was foolish enough to believe and trust fully. See, this is why I dont wanna trust. Because it gets broken. I know how he is but I trusted he'd change and make a choice to be honest with me. Now it makes me think just how true everything else has been. I dont know what to think anymore...I felt the love and care...but...I dunno. I need to think. I understand his reasons (I think I know what they are) but I have to think of myself. I cant keep on going on like this. I wanna go there and talk to him...but I know he wont talk. He hates drama. So I guess this will be an unfinished business for me. I still care and I still love him...but I need to save some love for myself. I want us to talk but I dunno if he can be honest with me...if I can believe him. The ball's in his court...I just wanna know what's truly on his mind and feel what's in his heart. I remember what he said...that he'll get over her and that he'll never be out of my life. But does he respect me enough or care for me enough to give me the truth? The truth will hurt but Id rather have that than the lies. I forgive him already because I know thats how he is. But he needs to understand he cant be like this always...we cant be like this all the time.

I need to think...I want to hug him right now and tell him it's alright. But a part of me is telling me I deserve an apology at least. No explanations. Just an apology and an honest to goodness talk to set things right. To close the book, if it is the end of our relationship. It hurts, just thinking of it...but we cant keep on like this...I love him so much...but maybe it's time for me to accept things. But what is it really? I dont know anymore! :'(